Exhausted Y
Sometimes I really don't know what to do. I'm like lost, lost in my own life..
I know what I want and should do in the future but I can't seem to figure out what I want now.. what I am doing now..
I feel lost and empty,, I'm becoming tired of everything.. I'm pushing away the person who mean/meant alot to me.. I don't know really it's like I want to start from scratch.. I don't regret anything but I know it will feel better if I can change everything right from the beginning.. Doing everything right, right from the start.
I've always said I want to be a different girl, a better one but as days pass by I seem to change in the wrong way, I'm becoming the person I don't want to be.. The more I tell myself not to be like that the more I become it, ironic isn't it. I don't even want to try changing anymore, it might just end up becoming worst.
I just wish I could start,, start right from the beginning, I want new days to come coz seriously I'm so tired of the one I have right now..
It's poitless..
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Let it snow .. let it snow Y
Let it snow...
Finally it's spring and it snowed.. For the first time this winter it snowed alot.. whats wrong with the climate? Perhaps next year it will snow during summer. I hope not.. I'm looking forward for the warm heat.. I'm tired of wearing a coat and a scarf.. I'm tired of carrying 5 kg of clothes everyday.. I want to get tan and not dry skin because it's freezing.. I want to drink iced tea and not hot tea/ warm cocoa.. I want to lie on the beach and not on my bed with a blanket..
And also.. I want this school year to be over.. I want to have a vacation so that I really can look forward to my 3rd year ... I'm already excited even though I don't really have a reason for it yet since I still have to go through exams before I can go to the next time.. ohay ohay...
Well I need to go.. gonna watch ugly betty =)
see yah!
Labels: dailytale, Life, School
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why oh why? Y
I have two things to say.
First the good stuff.
I went to an exam today. Market Communication, the subject where I have a deadly teacher who always makes you feel like the things you say are wrong and who always gave me 4 (bellow average) grade, I was lucky to get 7 (average grade) in out last class card, so can you imagine how I felt when I found out that we have an exam in his subject and right after the xmas holidays?
Well I don't know why I keep on being lucky with all this exams because believe it or not (I cant believe it myself) I got a 12 (top grade) once again. I guess 1 week of revising payed off really well =) I wish I'm as lucky as this in all the other exam I am going to have. I really need a high average for the course I want to take, last time I checked it was an average of 10, though I'm not sure if it also apply to danish students or if its just the admision grade for students outside dk, I hope so! 10 is a very high average, I will need 12 in most of my exams to get that average.
so.. the next thing I'm going to tell is my sleeping habit, ladies and gentlemen I am having sleeping problem again! seriously 3 days in a row?!! I fall asleep around 3-4 am and its not really funny when you have to wake up 6 in the morning to prepare for school!
I do not know what the cause of this is. Perhaps because I've been sleeping until noon in the holidays and now its payback time ? eerrh its not funny at all! I feel sleepy but once I lay down I cannot fall asleep. tsk...
why oh why? I used to love sleeping? Before I could just sleep anytime I want..
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New day,new year, new entry Y
First of all I want to greet everyone a happy happy new year! Wish you all the best in 2008!
I cant believe the first day of two thousand and eight is almost over i am excited of what ever this year will bring. I hope that 2008 will give me great experience which I can learn from so that I can turn out to be a confident woman, wew, hehe. But really i wish that 2008 will be a good year for all of us. I also want it to go fast so that I wont have to wait too long for 2009 , hehe joke joke. Let 2008 take the time it wants as long as it teaches us great lessons that we can use in the future.
I will have one year new years resolution this year but I will keep it as a secret, I really hope I can keep this resolution coz actually this i've been planning to do it few months before newyears i just couldnt make myself do it.. my other goal for 2008 is ofcourse keep being a good person, I know I can be bad sometimes(most of the times towards my bf) but I will try my best to change my attitude, I dont need the new years to be the reason why I am making this promise of an attitude change. I will do it because I want to, because I need to. Now, dont think I am so bad, its just that sometimes I can be unfair towards my bf but he still loves me and we still love each other so its not that bad. But I have to admit that i haven't been really nice last year, I think that this past couple of months I've had my head up too high.. and I want to change that..
Once again! i wish you all the best in 2008!! Don't forget to love the people around you =)
Labels: dailytale
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Summer please Y
X'mas is over, it has been fine actually. I've got good gifts but it wasnt really enough, don't get me wrong I am thankful for the gifts that I've got but I wish something else though I know I can't really get it right now I just need to wait some more years.
hectic christmas shopping is over, what am I looking forward to right now? well first of all I'm looking forward to my moms 40th bday. it's on friday and I cant wait to give her the gift that I bought for her =) I know she will like it because it's her wish! I am so excited! hehe! =)
also I am looking forward to year 2008 =) wow don't you think this year has been fast? can't believe it!! I'm excited for what the next year will bring and also summer!! I can't wait till summer coz I just want to rest! 2nd year of IBB will be over and I will be a graduating student! yeeheeey
Labels: dailytale
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Sleep loves me again. Y
For the past couple of weeks I've been having sleeping problems (have I posted about that already? I cannot remember) I am always tired but when I start thinking about sleeping or when I finally get time to sleep then the sleepiness dissappears. I can lay down hour and hours without falling asleep, and if I suddenly almost reach the point when I am about to fall asleep someone walks outside my room to go to the toilet or kitchen, then I will be waken. Just small whispers can wake me up and then its difficult for me to sleep again. But in the morning, the time I am supposed to wake up I sleep so well and its really hard to wake up even though people here at home makes noise since they are preparing to go to work/school.
Right now its 11.12 pm. I've been feeling sleepy since I got home from work, which is almost 4 hours ago. I was planning to stay up the whole night to do by history paper which is due on 14th of December but I don't think I can stay up the whole night after all. I just hope that the time I lay down I will fall asleep right away.
Wish me luck!
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1 month before Christmas. Y
Whenever it’s Christmas time I always have this mix feelings of sadness and joy. Ever since I was a kid I’ve been having that feeling but perhaps my reasons when I was younger were very shallow. Like the gifts, I always wondered if ever I get a lot of gift for Christmas or they forgot to buy me gifts, my mom was always good in hiding her gifts so I never saw them. Hehe. I guess when you are just a kid the thing you conotate with Christmas is Gift but the more you get older you realize that the gifts have less importance.
So what is Christmas all about? We all know that we celebrate the birth of Christ on that day but other than that I believe that Christmas is a day were we can be with our family/ love ones. Showing love to one another by eating Christmas dinner together while chatting, listening to music or watchind a movie and also exchanging gifts. Families spend time together, they chat the whole Christmas eve and the same they do in the morning, like they haven’t been spending time together the whole year.
But what if you cannot be with the person you love during Christmas time? That’s the sad part. That’s the time you feel incomplete. Christmas can make you feel happy and really sad at the same time, Christmas reminds you about the thing you really miss.
Though, we all have to remember that he/she/they may not be there physically, they will always be present in our hearts.
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start spreading the news... Y
I feel very senti right now. Listening to old songs by frank sinatra, tony bennett, whitney houston. ect.
It feels good, I don't know but when I listen to music from back then I get this weird feeling inside, memories are coming back.. well I don't really think of what happened but its like I get the same feeling.. never mind I can't explain!
So I haven't been posting lately, it's not really because I've been very busy, well I have been busy but not THAT busy. I just didn't have anything to say. after all the drama I felt like I wanted to rest a little. Now I have rested and school is bugging me. xmas break is coming up and its becoming more hectic at school, my schedule at school is like from 8am-3pm almost everyday. And I have at least 2 paper to hand in each week, 10 pages to read in each subject each week and alot of presentations.. They say school is a preparation to real job, can you tell me.. is it really like that our there? :P
well sometimes I think I am more busy or stressed than my parents. They are the one who has a full time job but I feel like I am doing more than them, besides school I have a part time job, then I also have tasks to do at home and my social life. wew. Now I understand why it is hard growing up! but I know that time will come it will all be stable.. I am still fighting to reach the top I still have a long way to go!
Labels: dailytale
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magical powers? Y
I would be lying if I sed that I never dreamed about having an unusual power. We all, in our silly minds, have had an illusion about possesing something that is extra ordinary. Have you any idea what mine can be?
Before, when people use to ask what kind of powers I want to have I couldn’t really answer cause there is a lot of things in the world that I wanted to. Being able to read people’s mind, well the reason is obvious. Being able to fly, so that I can travel the world for free. Power to be invisible so that I can make fun of people without them seeing me, or I can do things that I usually don’t have the guts for.
But.. but but but but!
I realized something lately. I realized how important time is! So now I want to posses the power to control time! I want to be able to stop time or fast forward time (especially when I am at work) I also want to be able to go back time to be able to change something you have done in the past that you might not really like or to be able to experience something in the past again and again so that it won’t just remain a memory forever. Sounds good ayt? As much as I knnow it is impossible I also know that possesing that power wouldn’t be a good thing in a log run. We can’t just change the past or experience the past all over again. Past is past, what happened there should remain the way it is, but of course there is nothing wrong about dreaming about being able to go back time =)
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enough drama Y
My life never runs out with drama but now I will just ignore it! I won't stress myself about it! Just let it come I will no longer care!!
***
I have autumn break this week it is quite nice but seems like time flies to fast!! I don't want the break to be over soon! I just want to rest and relax and rest! :P Oh well, and I also want to do some voluntary studying but first I want to enjoy relaxing and not doing anything that has something to do with school! :P
Later I have to work it's just for 3 hours so I hope it wont be so bad.
It is now 10am and I'm hungry but I am too lazy to leave my room and make some food. I wish I had a robbot to feed me, hehe!
Labels: dailytale
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mind your own business please Y
People interfere too much! Don't they have enough thing to do with their own life that's why they start making issues about other people! Gosh am I so interesting?!
I'm so sick and tired of people interfering with my love life! Whats in it for you?! You have nothing to say about me! I should be able to decide for myself I am no longer a child, I am 18 and believe that I can decide some things by myself. It is my life, my feelings not yours!
I may not be fully grown I may commit mistakes but its up to me to take responsibilities of my own actions! What is the matter with my lovelife?!? are you worried that I might get hurt? Well I chose this this, its my own life, I will feel the pain not you! but I guess that is not the problem. YOU, are not thinkinng about my feelings, you are not afraid that I might get hurt. NO! you just don't want to make me happy, you do't think I am happy, then what else do you think I am doing?! you think I am being fooled by the person I love, yeah right and he brainwashes me right? He cast a magic on me so that I will fall inlove with him? well that might be true enough coz after all love is magic you know!
I am seriously tired of people talking about me, talking about my lovelife. And these people are not random people, these people are supposed to be my lovely family.
I do't want to fight with them, I hope someday they will understand. I hope someday they will realize and accept that I am happy with him.
Ok bitter post.. I was feeling sad this afternoon and then I saw this horoscope:
The Bottom Line
Different people are pushing you for action. It's in your best interests to obey.
In Detail
Many different people are pushing you for action right now, and it might be in your best interests to make them happy. They are not as concerned with the quality of your actions as they are with you just doing something now, so there is no reason to put any pressure on yourself. There is no wrong answer here, so anything you do will be appreciated. This is a no-lose situation for you, so let go of the tension you may be feeling and just go for it!
(friendster horoscope)
I kinda felt better when I read it. I just think it fits with my situation right now. Sometimes horoscopes can actually be true/ you can relate to them.
Labels: bitterness, dailytale
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Proud and Heavy Y
I just finished doing my math hand in for tomorrow and I can proudly say that after having trouble understanding the last few tasks, I finally finished it all by myself and I think that all of them are correct apart from one of the tasks which I know I used the correct formula/way of doing but I couldn't really get the result to be the same as the calculator. My calculator has this thing that draws graphs and it can trace the points, when I do it, it's just few decimals away from what I get as an answer so its up to my teacher to judge my work :P But he actually said that he doesn't really care about the result, the most important is the way we did it.
Enough about math.
Today, just now, I realized something about myself. I realized that once something gains my interest I never let it go again. When I start working about something that interests me I don't stop until I understand it completely, even though it's difficult and time consuming I devote myself to it. That's a good thing isn't it?
I also realize that we shouldt be ashamed of failure, we should be more ashamed of not trying again. In life we fail 100 times, or even more, before we succeed in one thing.
I know that I am a devoted person that not even failure can stop me from doing what I want. =)
Right now I am not ashamed to say that I failed to keep a promise to myself that I will be a healthy person. Yesterday I bought 3 packs of cookies ( the cookies that I love soo much) coz they were on sales at work and I've eaten almost a whole pack, I think it contains 6 peices? OMG that's why I feel so heavy right now! I try to comfort myself by drinking a glass of milk, it's healthy but I still feel heavy! =P
One lesson I've learnt this weekend: Do not buy cookies eventhough it's on sale, it will just make you feel heavy and unhealthy! instead buy those grapes you love so much!
Oh this makes me want to give the cookies I bought to my sister and now I am craving for GRAPES!!
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Sway with me Y
I feel like dancing right now, wanna jam with me?? :P
I don't know why I am in the mood for loud music right now, I feel hyper right now :p
too much work makes me hyper active :p
Why do I use alot of :P ?? oh well
When I was in the Philippines my cousin, her bf, my bf and I went to a disco in makati, guess what?? I was too shy to dance! hehe. My bf kept on dancing infront of me like a macho dancer (haha joke) and I was just looking at him and laughing ! oh embarasing!!! Haha! When I think about it now I feel so stupid! :P Well actually I did dance but not as much as I wanted to. I don't know why I am soooo shy. When I am drunk, which I've only been 2 times in my life, I DANCE. When I'm home and llstening to loud music I DANCE, but when in public and haven't had anything to drink I just LAUGH.. Ok weird girl you might think.. I know..
But our night out was fun. I hope we will do it again soon. I wanna go back to the Philippines. Nezt time I really want to dance!!
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Happy monthsary to you too... Y
I might not have blogged about this before but I got my very own laptop, finally! Somy laptop turned 1 month old to day, happy monthsary =) hope to spend more exciting years with you :P you know Iwill not be able to live without you =p
my precious****
What will you do if someone you love forgot an important occasion that both of you should celebrate? What will you do if the person say sorry, will you say its alright?
Shouldn't you feel really sad? Shouldn't you cry the whole day and accuse him/her for not remembering a very important day?
Isn't it sad that someone you care about can forget such a thing?
Or perhaps its more sad that I feel so numb about it.. Like nothing happened, eventhough I keep telling myself about it over and over again..
****
Happy monthsary to you tooby the way, and thanks for remembering...
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Lazy azz Y
I've been lazy this past couple of days, as if that is something new?!
well I am actually quite tired of being lazy, I just cant help it. When I suddenly decide to do something I get head ache. How weird is that? My body is trying to come up with excuses to be lazy.. gaah Is there any medicine for this?!
Anyways..
I am currently addicted to HEROES. I tell u I love this series..
I don't really have anything to blog about right now so yeah I'll end here .
Labels: dailytale
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Excited! Y
Yeah I am excited about tomorrow. I invited some of my friends to the beach to celebrate my 18th birthday. I also feel nervous, weird ayt? but I am just not used to have all the attention. :P
My friends from school will come and some of my former friends from grade school =) they have never met each other before so I hope they'll get along together..
but I am kinda sad coz my best friends is not coming.. she's going to sweden.. huhuhu!
Oh well. tomorrow, I hope everything will be good! Oh hope the weather will be as good as it is today! really warm !=)
I just realized, there's only 3 weeks left and I'll be in the philippines! aint that fast? :p
Labels: dailytale
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Finally internet is back! -sweet! Y
So yeah as you might know already if you read my blog our internet have been down, I thought it would only take 10 days, but it took almost two months! Can you believe that? We called another internet provider last week, because the old one never fixed our internet, I dont know what the h*ll is wrong with them, I called them everyday since march 30 and they never did anything, they tried to send us new modem for the internet (they actually sent 4 of them) but I dont know why they couldnt understand that maybe they should come to our house and fix it coz obviously it wasnt the modem that has a problem, but they didnt care!! So yeah we ordered new internet line last week and look how quick they are now we have internet! And I am definitely happy!
You have got no idea how much I missed my net!! And to be honest with you I didnt really miss it because of the chat, I missed it so much because I always had to go to the library or stay after school just so I can use the net for my homework. Internet is really a must nowadays! And if I have to choose between net and tv, I would probably choose net!!
Enough about that! Well I really missed my blog too ofcourse!!
Alot of things happened since march 30 you know!! I dont even remember what happened but I've been doing loads of things, espacially at school.
Well I got my hair cut twice during those two months,, it grows fast.. The first time I got my hair cut it was pretty but last week I let my mom cut it and now I alsways have it bundled up, it's borring!
We've got our class card last month, and oh man I can tell you I didnt really like my grades, they were middle but man I fell some few grades in math, when my mom saw it she was like: "What have you done in math? What have you been doing.. blablabla.." I always do well in math, if there is any subject I would get the highest grade at, that would be math, it is not because I am clever when it comes to numbers, I just study hard when its math because I like the subject. So eventhough math is difficult I somehow manage. But now our new math teacher is hard to please, everyone was scared of him,, well not really scared but sort of scared so the only thing we did was listen to his lecture and not really partisipate that much, so the average grade in math in our class is not really high now, but we will get new grading card 2 weeks from now I think, and I really hope that this time it will be better. I really did my best this time and when we had test last week in math I got A.. so I am happy =)
My sister had birthday may 20th, her friends were over to play, oh my god there were 13 children in our house they were really noisy, but my sister was happy so good for her.
My birthday is coming near. June 11 but I havent really planned anything yet. Maybe if the weather is good that day I will take my friends to the beach near my place, but I still have to see. Our exams begin after june 8 so I might be busy.
I really look forward to have vacation, 1 month and few days left then I will be in the philippines! Yehey! hehe. I am really excited. I hope everything will be good. I really want to enjoy this vacation!
I need to go back to my homework now. I am writing an essay in danish for thursday. I have to work wednesday evening so I need to finish this tonight!
Labels: dailytale
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